Relationships & The Inner Child: Always Healing

It is an unhealthy stereotype to believe we need to be “fully healed” before entering any relationship. You should always be focusing on yourself, whether you're in a relationship or not. Your first priority should always be you. Our healing is a constant process, your healing is eternal.

We can heal while we are in a relationship as well as we can heal when we are alone.

Oftentimes, people state they want to focus on themselves when they're single, but perhaps, they weren't focusing on their own growth and healing while dating someone else. Without boundaries, it’s common for us to get lost in a connection and remain stagnant in a relationship.

It's easy to use it as a distraction from ourselves and remain in our comfort zones. People can get too caught up in the relationship instead of remembering who they are outside of it.

Not being your first priority prevents your never-ending growth.

A healthy couple is capable of healing and growing together while remaining independent within who they are. It is crucial to know who you are outside of a relationship and not to wrap your identity around one at any given time. A relationship reflects the extension of self-love you feel for yourself. 

Choosing to still focus on yourself while in a relationship is also choosing to love yourself. 

Relationships bring up and mimic our inner child.  Our subconscious mind is developed in early childhood. If you were not properly nurtured as a child, you have aspects of your childhood self that are wounded.

Romantic relationships have a tendency of mimicking our unmet childhood needs. We may be looking for the love we never properly received from our parents.

How do these unhealed childhood wounds show up? 

• You could’ve created chaos out of nothing because peace felt “boring” to you and turbulence is all you’ve ever known as a child.
•  You could’ve had a lack of setting and maintaining your boundaries with your partner because your parents didn’t meet your needs or validate you. 
• You could’ve prevented yourself from being more vocal and stating your needs because you never felt heard or seen as a child. 
• You could’ve let your partner control your connection and have power over you because you felt powerless as a child.
•  You could've had a codependent wound because you were not properly loved as a child and you're seeking that parental love through a partner.

It’s normal for triggers to show up in any dynamic. What we really mean by saying we want to focus on ourselves while single is that we weren’t able to properly nurture ourselves or our previous partners through these unhealed childhood wounds.

It’s both people choosing to be self-aware, reflecting on these triggers, and learning from them what sets a healthy couple apart from the rest.

A relationship should never hold you back from focusing on yourself unless you let it.

Your healing is a constant process, your healing should be your constant focus. A healthy couple chooses to grow and heal together as they maintain their own independence. They resolve their issues as a unit because they choose to be together while also focusing on their own healing and nurturing their connection through it.

Your entire subconscious mind will be triggered in relationships. It is awareness of the wounds and triggers in your relationships that show where you need to heal. Awareness is always the first step towards growth.

When people who are self-aware come together, set and maintain their boundaries, are willing to work through miscommunications and mishaps, have open communication and honesty, and are able to maintain their own sense of self and independence outside of the relationship: it is the blossoming of any healthy foundation.

Your healing won’t be perfect before you dive into any relationship - this is a self-limiting belief. It is important to always remain patient with yourself instead of expecting perfection. You are always healing.

Listen to and validate your inner child's needs instead of relying on your partner to validate it for you. 

Your partner is not your parent. They can hold your hand, but you have to take the first step towards a healthy union with yourself and in turn, with them.